In the fifteenth piece to our Zombie Apocalypse segment, where we are asking band members what they would do if a zombie outbreak happened, we have ORWELL drummer Cris Bissell.
You just played a gig far from home and take a step outside the venue for some fresh air and see a hoard of zombies running down the street towards you, what do you do?
Get the fuck back into the venue, lock the door. No shit.
You manage to tell your bandmates and people backstage but you notice a ruckus coming from the front of the venue, you can only grab what’s around you for a weapon, what is it?
The knife in my pocket. If I don’t have that on me, odds are our merch is set up by/on the pools tables so I’m grabbing a pool cue.
As you’re trying to leave the venue, you notice a band member has been attacked by a zombie, do you turn your back and take off or fight the undead and save your friend?
I get that fucker off of my buddy. Unless he’s already half eaten like the asian kid in From Dusk ‘Til Dawn, at which time I shoot an arrow at my guitarist and he immediately explodes, for no reason.
You’re about to drive away when a car collides into the trailer, zombies are all over the place, do you get out to detach the trailer or force someone else to?
I’ve got the key to unhitch that thing, so I’m probably jumping out to get it off. But I’m climbing on top of the van, only a sucker would just jump into the street.
While on the road, what is the band listening to?
From the way this is going, it sounds like we’re listening to hoards of the undead devouring everyone around us. That and some Pink Floyd, Yob, Abraham, etc.
Along the way you pass a store, it seems safe, what does the band load up on?
Food, water, anything sharp, medical supplies, whiskey. Is this a Walgreens? I’m getting an Icee. They have Icee’s at Walgreens now, have you seen this? Fuck, everyone should grab one for the trip.
You notice that there’s a kitten in the store, do you take it with you or leave it to be an appetizer for the zombies? If you rescue the kitty, what do you name it?
Yeah sure, grab another mouth to feed, let alone one that probably doesn’t know where it can/can’t shit yet. And might have that kitten thing where they just make noise ENDLESSLY while you’re trying to sleep.
I’m just kidding, grab the cat. Fuck.
After hiding out for a while, you circle back to the venue. Upon entering you find your tourmates as zombies feasting on fans. What do you do?
“Get In the Van” – Henry Rollins. They’re already dead, at least let them get a meal out of it.
You return backstage to grab your precious gear, but a zombie has it. Forget about it or fight the thing off and claim your possessions?
Since we already ransacked a Walgreens (isn’t everyone glad we grabbed those Icee’s?) we might as well hit a Guitar Center on the way out of town. The zombie can keep on the cracked cymbals and pitted-chrome hardware. I’m upgrading.
In the midst of everything going on you notice you are turning into a zombie. You gather with the other zombie musicians to form a new undead band. What do you call the band?
The Rolling Stones
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