In the fourteenth piece to our Zombie Apocalypse segment, where we are asking band members what they would do if a zombie outbreak happened, we have SCAPHISM bassist Tom Gretschel and drummer Alex Fewell.
You just played a gig far from home and take a step outside the venue for some fresh air and see a hoard of zombies running down the street towards you, what do you do?
Tom: Trip the person close to me and then run. You don’t have to be the fastest runner, just faster than the slowest.
Alex: Aside from what Tom already suggested… which is Zombie Survival 101. I would first trip Tom (sorry, ha!) which should buy me enough time to grab hold of my drum rack or whatever else I can turn into a weapon from my drum kit and start swingin’ for the fences.
You manage to tell your bandmates and people backstage but you notice a ruckus coming from the front of the venue, you can only grab what’s around you for a weapon, what is it?
Tom: My bass. Ain’t called an axe for nothing!
Alex: Sticks, Hardware, and Cymbals are all good makeshift weapons in a pinch. I’ve prepared myself for similar non-zombie incidents with such tools when on the road in case trouble is afoot
As you’re trying to leave the venue, you notice a band member has been attacked by a zombie, do you turn your back and take off or fight the undead and save your friend?
Tom: If he’s bit, then he’s fucked anyway. I’d do the necessary and put a bullet in ‘em. Would hope for the same… although I do want to test drive being a zombie for a bit. GIMME 30 SECONDS TO TRY IT!
Alex: I would hate to leave them behind but if you’ve been bit you are what the experts call “totally fucked.” On the other hand if I were the victim, just fucking leave me. I always wanted to know how the other half “lived.”
You’re about to drive away when a car collides into the trailer, zombies are all over the place, do you get out to detach the trailer or force someone else to?
Tom: Neither. Keep driving with the mangled trailor and hope for the best.
Alex: Definitely force the most expendable member of the band to unhook said trailer, which we all know is the bassist (sorry Tom!)
While on the road, what is the band listening to?
Tom: Probably Horna. No doubt, Evan will somehow manage to retain his obnoxious 500 cd collection of their catalogue.
Alex: Mostly Horna and Type-O Negative since Evan and Tony had control of the CD player most of the time haha. We made a lot of Metal purchases on the road while traveling from city to city… consisting of Origin, Psycroptic, Horna (thanks Evan…), Mitochondrion, Nocturnal Mortum, Cerebral Bore, Type-O Negative, and many more… Did I forget to mention Horna?
Along the way you pass a store, it seems safe, what does the band load up on?
Tom: Beer, liquor, porno. Maybe some taquitos if it’s a 7-11.
Alex: Tom covered the essentials but he forgot WaWa’s famous gas station fried chicken and of course BEEF JERKY
You notice that there’s a kitten in the store, do you take it with you or leave it to be an appetizer for the zombies? If you rescue the kitty, what do you name it?
Tom: Definitely rescue it. As for a name? “Fester”
Alex: Definitely rescue it and name it “Dinner”
After hiding out for a while, you circle back to the venue. Upon entering you find your tourmates as zombies feasting on fans. What do you do?
Tom: Take their cut if possible. Otherwise, chock that show up to a loss I suppose.
Alex: Film the “killer turnout” for our next tour video and ask many attending patrons “you dead bro?”
You return backstage to grab your precious gear, but a zombie has it. Forget about it or fight the thing off and claim your possessions?
Tom: Well I should already have my bass because I’ve been using it as a weapon so far. As for my rig? They can have it. I’ll break into a music store later.
Alex: Aside from the gear I took as weapons, I would just leave the rest. We’ll have plenty of time to steal new equipment when we are done pillaging Guitar Centers across the nation for our “Tourpocalypse” (I’d like to see that magician sue us for copyright when the fucker is a zombie!)
In the midst of everything going on you notice you are turning into a zombie. You gather with the other zombie musicians to form a new undead band. What do you call the band?
Tom: “The Dead Ass Zom Bee’s”
Alex: “Festering Human Remains”