In the twenty-third piece to our Zombie Apocalypse segment, where we are asking band members what they would do if a zombie outbreak happened, we have ANCIENT SHORES vocalist Greg Zalenski.
You just played a gig far from home and take a step outside the venue for some fresh air and see a hoard of zombies running down the street towards you, what do you do?
If I said “giggle like a little girl” would you judge me? I’ve been looking forward to that moment for a long time. Two scenarios run through my head in the immediacy. One, run back into the venue, grab the rest of the guys (yes, including Joel) and yell “FIRE”. Let the horde occupy themselves while we can load out, we’re quick with that anyway. Two, enter some grand delusion of a God amongst zombies and run headlong into the crowd. Maybe I make it, maybe I go out in style.
You manage to tell your bandmates and people backstage but you notice a ruckus coming from the front of the venue, you can only grab what’s around you for a weapon, what is it?
I’m usually surrounded by assholes, and that’s out of the question. Drum sticks. Break those things in half and go for the eyes.
As you’re trying to leave the venue, you notice a band member has been attacked by a zombie, do you turn your back and take off or fight the undead and save your friend?
Which band member? Actually you know what, it doesn’t matter because even if it’s Joel I can still save him. You know how sweet it would be to watch him slide into the abyss unfold before me? That would be fucking gnarly.
You’re about to drive away when a car collides into the trailer, zombies are all over the place, do you get out to detach the trailer or force someone else to?
Without hesitation I would be out there. Swimming in a sea of viscera, crushing skulls and making puppets out of torsos. Yes, in a heartbeat.
While on the road, what is the band listening to?
Young Widows, Burning Love or David Cross standup. Fuck the news, we all know what it’s going to be reported anyways.
Along the way you pass a store, it seems safe, what does the band load up on?
It’s a Sheetz, right? Let’s call it a Sheetz. Coffee and burritos. My instinct is to say canned foods, non perishables and sustainable energy for the ensuing weeks of hellish torment, but let’s be real. I’m gonna take a shit and get coffee and burritos.
You notice that there’s a kitten in the store, do you take it with you or leave it to be an appetizer for the zombies? If you rescue the kitty, what do you name it?
As any of the guys would tell you, keep the cat and name it something clever. Leon? Lazerus. Jesus? Video game reference or biblical character that relates to something you should shoot in the head. CHRIS REDFIELD
After hiding out for a while, you circle back to the venue. Upon entering you find your tourmates as zombies feasting on fans. What do you do?
If they had good merch with them, the value increases with the amount of blood stains. After watching for a while, say twenty or so minutes, why not finish them off? How fucking bad ass would it be to say that you killed Full of Hell during the zombie apocalypse. Lord knows I’ve been plotting their collective demise for a while now.
You return backstage to grab your precious gear, but a zombie has it. Forget about it or fight the thing off and claim your possessions?
My gear is easy, as it consists of an SM58 and worn vocal chords. Any chance to kill a zombie and I’ll take it. I figure I can break the hand holding my mic and cave in it’s skull. As long as I don’t get brain matter in my mouth I can enjoy myself. Sick fucks need love too.
In the midst of everything going on you notice you are turning into a zombie. You gather with the other zombie musicians to form a new undead band. What do you call the band?
The Romero Escape Plan